The Exciting Life of Maxil!

It took me forty minutes to walk down to the barbers today only to find out that they were closed. I trudged back to my house and decided that I would post my little adventure on an internet forum.

Wow, that must have been the adventure of a lifetime (!)

It was unbelievable, mate! It's not often I have that kind of excitement in my life.

Well, Fathead had the temerity to call NuWho "the trip of a lifetime", so I don't see what makes your claim any less valid.

ClockworkOcean wrote:Well, Fathead had the temerity to call NuWho "the trip of a lifetime", so I don't see what makes your claim any less valid.

Here's a story pertaining to my last two journeys.

Having blocked the bog with a giant attack of IBS, I still needed to shit urgently, so laid out some thick foil on the floor and let loose.

With great caution and skill, I managed to wrap up my dose of devil's delight into a foil parcel, then many times again using a bin liner, duct tap and cling film.

Surely nothing could escape this environmental disaster of package? Completely wrong. Within 30 minutes my flat smelt like rotten fish and silage. I needed a plan, fast.

My imprisoned Golgothan needed to be deposited somewhere other than the communal bin (way too close not to be noticed), so I stuck it in my pocket and set off to execute plan b.

I hastily walked to the local supermarket and slid my package of super-miasma into the bin outside. I felt unburdened by this act, and went back home to fix the bog.

Indeed this morning, I woke to the smell of delicious cherry vanilla in the bedroom, and tropical fruits in the toilet. All was well with the world. Except for one thing: I was out of milk and needed to go to the supermarket.

I was probably 15m away when the stench hit me.

Outside the store I encountered two residents and a shelf-stacker complaining about the stench, gesturing towards the bin. I even saw a very cute girl cross the road. One man's dog surged towards it, nearly putting his shoulder out of joint.

I was quite happy to stay and talk.

After, all the smell of your own shit never bothers you as much as anyone else's.

We need a shit stories thread.

Yesterday I churned out 3000 words for work, unnecessarily as it turns out as I did one article that didn't need to be done till Wednesday, only to realise that meant I had to do another one for Monday as well. Then I walked to the supermarket and lugged back six litres of iced coffee on my back. Then I watered the garden.
It's stories like this that make you realise just how exciting things can be around here.

I watched The Roof of the World earlier. Shame there's a Beano comic on Marco Polo's desk. What a careless production!

I woke up this morning at 8:30am but decided to doze until 9:15am as I didn't feel like getting out of bed.

Pepsi Maxil wrote:I woke up this morning at 8:30am but decided to doze until 9:15am as I didn't feel like getting out of bed.

Ooh, Wildman!

I went to Iceland earlier and bought one of Gino D'Acampo's meals for my dinner. I also picked up a bottle of Lucozade Apple Blast as it was only a pound. I'm absolutely shattered after all of that.

''I was looking for a job and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now.''

I really like Morrissey. He hates The Guardian almost as much as I do.

Maxil is awesome loves the eighties as much as i do .

Doctor7 wrote:Maxil is awesome loves the eighties as much as i do .

If you try hard enough you'll be able to fit his balls in your mouth too.

Cunnus Maximus wrote:

Doctor7 wrote:Maxil is awesome loves the eighties as much as i do .

If you try hard enough you'll be able to fit his balls in your mouth too.

What a very pleasant mental image (!)

I had vegetable soup with a bit of bread for my lunch. Can barely walk up the stairs after all that craziness! On to my IER (Intense exercise regime) next. I plan to do an hour on the bike and thirty minutes of jogging before I finish with some crunches, push-ups, jumping jacks and squats. I just need to keep moving.

Pepsi Maxil wrote:I had vegetable soup with a bit of bread for my lunch. Can barely walk up the stairs after all that craziness! On to my IER (Intense exercise regime) next. I plan to do an hour on the bike and thirty minutes of jogging before I finish with some crunches, push-ups, jumping jacks and squats. I just need to keep moving.

Holy shit! you are a wild one!

Made a joke on the Jack the Ripper thread. No one found it funny. Must try harder next time.

Pepsi Maxil wrote:Made a joke. No one found it funny. Must try harder next time.

Oh whats new?

Sorry to hear that.

Pepsi Maxil wrote:Made a joke on the Jack the Ripper thread. No one found it funny.

Yeah, it was a bit of a blow-out, that one.

I actually did have an exciting day yesterday. I went up to London to see the Lionesses play Germany. Over 77,000 people went and I'm happy to be apart of the record crowd for a England women's match. Was a great day out overall.